Today (April 25) was the day Mama passed away of breast cancer, three years ago. I'm not sure what to say about it, but I feel I should say something. When this day comes, I'm never quite sure how to feel. Should I think of the fact that she's gone, and feel sad all day, or should I remember that it was this day she went home to be with the Lord, and celebrate the fact that I'll see her again and that she's now pain-free?

A little of both, I guess. I know where she is and have no problem with that, but I miss her terribly. Sometimes it hurts so much just to know I won't see her in the flesh again, until my time comes. I just wanna see her once, hug her, tell her I love her.

I usually try not to think about it very much. I mean, I think about her all the time, but not the fact that she's gone. I seem to be living in the state of mind that she's just "away" and will be back soon. I don't know why. Like I said, I try not to think about it much, and tend to bottle my emotions up. Talking about the fact she's "gone" just feels .....odd. I seem to run from sadness. I had a good cry for the first time in many months, just a couple weeks ago.

I'd been going through some drawers looking for something, and accidentally found some cards Mom had written to me. One in particular hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a birthday card from my parents (and cat), in her handwriting, given to me the day I turned sixteen (two months before she died). It says this:

To our dear Mallory Erin,

Such a bubbly, pleasant, sweet personality you have....don;t ever leave it behind. Listen to the Lord - He knows better than any of us what is best. Keep smiling!

With Love,
Mama, Daddy + Whiskers Kitten