| April 25th |
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posted by: Heather (reply) post date: 04.25.07 (12:15 am) Mal, I'm glad you shared this here and I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way. I know it's really difficult, gotta be, this time of year for you. I wish your dad could understand how you feel more, but like you said he is a dfferent person, and I don't know him, but he is a man and he is probably really just trying to be strong for the both of you. What I do know is he's a good dad and he cares about you a lot. I really don't know many fathers, haven't seen many, that show as much care for their kids as your's does for you and I know you know you are lucky to have that with him, the way you two do communicate. I hope you can do something today to spend time with your dad and remember good memories about your mom, even if you have to do that last part on your own...you know you have all of us, your friends, that you can talk to, write or whatever whenever you need. Super Hugz to you! posted by: dustyjumpwings (reply) post date: 04.25.07 (3:36 am) Reply to: Heather Thank you so much Heather, you've certainly made me feel lots better. And you're very right about my Dad, on all accounts; I wasn't intending to put him down in this post or anything, in fact I felt kinda bad after I posted but decided not to change it - I just needed to let off some steam and unfortunately a lot of it was in regards to him. He really has been very understanding and so awesome for the past five years and I love him more than anything, I just get irked sometimes, not his fault really, it's just bothered me much more recently than it normally would. Have you ever had PMS this bad? Where you honestly sometimes feel like you're going insane? I wish men could experience it just ONCE, because otherwise there's just no way for them to ever understand, LOL. Super hugs back at you!! posted by: aesav23 (reply) post date: 04.25.07 (7:07 am) Men handle emotions/problems differently than women. When you go to a man with a problem, his instinct is to "fix it!" because that's what a man does. A woman simply needs to vent and talk/write out her emotions. We don't have the "problem solved" attitude, which is why you get the "oh you're being silly" or the comments from a man that seem like he's not acknowledging your right to feel something. We process things differently, and it's to be expected. Paddy hasn't forgotten your mother. That's just not possible. I do believe that women feel more deeply, however, and our emotions are stronger because we're not afraid to feel them, even if they're terribly painful. Why did you need to test Paddy about today? What did you hope would happen? Men don't do "subtle." :o) You really have to come right out and say, "I miss Mom. I've been really sad lately about her, and I want to go out tonight to celebrate her memory." I'm glad you're able to communicate your feelings in any form, whether it's writing or talking. Be direct with Paddy. Tell him *exactly*. And, if he tries to "fix it!" tell him, "I don't need you to fix this, dad. I just need you to listen." He will hear you, because he's a great dad. :o) ~ae posted by: dangerkitty (reply) post date: 04.25.07 (12:46 pm) Hi, Mally! I can actually understand both your perspective and your Dad's. I have been in both sets of shoes. Right after my Dad died, I went into "we need to be strong and look forward" mode because I just didn't want to acknowledge what had happened. I acted like my Dad had taken a really long business trip or something. At the same time, everything reminded my Mom of him. His birthday came soon after, Valentine's Day, their wedding anniversary, anniversary of their engagement, my birthday, his favourite mug, his favourite shirt, his favourite CD. She would stop us to point out how special everything was to him and cry a little. It was hard for Roger and I to watch her go through that and as a result, we felt like we couldn't break down or be sentimental. We thought it would make things harder. So may be your Dad is being like that because he thinks you need him to be strong so you both don't break down at the same time. Later, I had to face things and upon returning home and finding my Dad's side of the closet empty, I lost it. I just started crying. My Mom comforted me and she was strong and she's still sentimental but not as before. So, both of you just need to be patient with each other. One day he's going to need you to lean on and you'll know just what to say because you share this tragedy. posted by: Kelly (reply) post date: 04.28.07 (11:48 pm) Hi Mal, I understand what you mean. I've experienced that as well with male relatives being insensitive in my family. I'm not sure why sometimes they respond that way, but it's very frustrating. That's beautiful photo of your Mom, and I know she's really proud of you, Mal :) posted by: Kelly (reply) post date: 04.28.07 (11:59 pm) Reply to: aesav23 I agree with you on this AE. I do think guys look at things differently, and they don't show their emotions as easily, most definately. As to "subtle", I do think alot of times guys are dense, lol! posted by: carrlotta (reply) post date: 07.26.08 (7:01 am) my mama died july 25th at 3pm i am lost and dont know how to handle this posted by: dustyjumpwings (reply) post date: 08.30.08 (8:09 pm) Reply to: carrlotta I'm so, so sorry I didn't get your post until now. How are you? Please respond or message me! |
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I'm not sure of the EXACT moment it happened, the memory of that morning is all in a blur, but I know that somewhere between 3 and 5 hours from now marks the exact time Mama died in 2002. What is there to say, really? I don't know what to say, or what I want to say, but I can never ignore this date. I've been thinking of her a lot lately...and missing her very much. My heightened emotional state at the moment has made me cry over her often, or things indirectly related to her, anyway. When Dad got home earlier this evening, I asked if we were doing anything tomorrow. He answered, "As far as what?" ...um..... I'm quite sure he knows full well what tomorrow is, but he sure didn't act like it. I was testing him. Maybe he thinks I've forgotten. I then asked if we could have dinner tomorrow or something when he got home from work. He said, "What...with Darrell [he's working with him tomorrow]? Or do you mean just the two of us?". He acted so surprised that I'd even asked. *siiiiiigh* I don't get why he's playing ignorant on the matter.