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| The biggest fart EVAR. |
| 04.30.06 (8:25 am) [edit] |
What's the longest amount of time, and the circumstances, that you've held a huge fart? Think about it, can you really remember? I can sure remember mine. Gosh, what an ordeal that was. My aunt and uncle used to live in Minnesota and we visited them a few times up there. On the flight home (which I think was at least 3 hours or more), this really cute sailor sat next to me. Dad had the window seat, I was in the middle, and the sailor was to my left in the aisle seat. He was so adorable, polite, and sweet. I think he was on leave to visit family in Florida or something. He'd been up all night on countless layovers and flights, so he was absolutely exhausted.Well, the plane took off and we were airborne - no problem. Then..... I felt this gigantic fart coming. I mean, it was HUGE. I wanted to get up and go to the restroom to let it "free", but I couldn't do so because the sailor was asleep next to me (he was almost falling onto my shoulder) and I couldn't bare to wake him up. And so, I held this fart all the way from Minneapolis to Fort Lauderdale Airport. It kept coming and going - you know how when you hold a fart for a while, it'll sort of go back in? Well it would do that, then it would come close to blowing again and I'd have a heckuva time holding it. I would have probably let it out if it were somebody else sitting there and not this cute sailor. Ah, but then again, no I wouldn't. I just knew it was going to be VERY loud. So we landed, and I thought "Oh, boy! I can get to a bathroom and let 'er rip!" But nooooo. We were in a hurry to get our luggage because a friend of Dad's was outside, waiting to drive us home. So then we had to wait for our luggage, and I'm turning blue with a fart. We finally get our bags and go outside (there was like a billion people out there, so I couldn't do it there. I would have if it didn't feel like it was gonna sound like a bomb going off), put our stuff in the friend's trunk, and he drives us home. It was a bit of a drive, so I had to hold it then too, being in closed quarters in the car and all. And I'm not comfortable enough around this guy to just fart. I'm not comfortable around him, period! So when we got home, I said to Dad's friend, "Gottagothanksforthe ride." and RAN into the house and into the bathroom. I then exploded. I've never felt such relief in my life. I was just laughing at the thought that I could be telling this story to my grandkids years from now. LOL.  |
| 6 Comments |
| VE-Day newspaper |
| 04.27.06 (6:47 am) [edit] |
Dad found this old newspaper in an antique store a few years ago - it's been on my wall for a long time, and I just suddenly got the idea to scan it while I was getting dressed this morning. Anyway... It's the "Chicago Daily Times" from May 7, 1945 (which is actually the day before the official VE-Day), and says "Nazis Give Up" on the front. It's a picture newspaper, and it's got some awesome, rare pictures of Ike, Bradley, Patton, and more. I'd love to scan more of it, but I'm afraid I'll mess it up. I scanned this picture of it without taking it out of the frame. It's very brittle and the folded part is all flaky and falling apart (as you can see from the bottom left). What an awesome thing to have though, ya know? [Click for full version!] |
| 4 Comments |
| Happy times, are these. |
| 04.26.06 (6:14 pm) [edit] |
A few days ago, I had found a model T-rex online that I've been waiting to get for a very long time. Months ago, I couldn't find him anywhere for a decent price, and most of the sites that even had him listed didn't have him in stock, but then... over the weekend, I found him... finally in stock on one of the original websites.... for $17! I was SO happy. And he got here today! I can't believe how fast he shipped - I think I just ordered him on Monday. I woke up to find a box sitting on the counter and when I saw the toy site's return address, I started squealing and couldn't get it open fast enough. He's the most realistic model dinosaur I've ever seen. I've collected hundreds of dinosaurs (since 1992 or '93), most of them are Jurassic Park Brand, and NONE of them match up to this! I don't know if he's under license from JP or what (he's made by a brand called "Papo"), because he looks EXACTLY like the Tyrannosaurs in the movies. I just can't get over how real he is!! I'm especially blown away by the detail in his head and face. I swear this is the prettiest thing I've ever seen. He's only almost 7 inches tall, but that's bigger than it sounds. Isn't he beautiful?? Yes, I'm 20 years old and totally flipping over a toy dinosaur. But it's not like I'm gonna be "playing dinosaurs" with him like I used to do (although that was always fun, making the dinosaurs attack and mangle the little army men). And, miniscule as it sounds, I've literally been waiting my whole life for a JP dinosaur that looks this real (without it costing thousands of dollars like an official model would or something). That reminds me, at the visitors' center store in the Jurassic Park area of Islands of Adventure, there's a large, model Velociraptor standing on top of one of the displays. He's life size, about 5-6 feet long and 3 feet tall. He's not for sale, but just for kicks we asked the employees about how much he would cost. Their answer? Twelve. Thousand. Dollars. Holy CRAP. I could LIVE off of that much for years, and that's the price of a 3-foot-tall dinosaur sculpture! I didn't dare ask how much the life-size Tyrannosaur or Spinosaur standing outside had cost! Incidentally, I found this great site with TONS of huge pictures from the whole Jurassic Park island in IOA. They put so much detail into creating a real JP atmosphere, it actually feels like you're in the real place! Anyway, back to my little model T-rex. I'm so happy, I could just do a little jig. I was looking at the other dinosaurs in the Papo collection and while they're all totally awesome, the only other one that I really want is the Velociraptor. He's not even ten dollars (and I get ten percent off from having previously ordered the T-rex, yay!), so Prancing Paddy said I could get him if I dust the living room soon. Heh. Will do...  |
| 11 Comments |
| Mama |
| 04.25.06 (11:42 pm) [edit] |
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Today, it's been 4 years since Mama passed away. Anybody who's lost someone will understand this - it's surreal, isn't it? Sometimes it feels as if they were here just yesterday, and other times you feel you never really knew them at all. It's like they were just a presence that exsisted in a dream. I always feel I should do something on this day, but what CAN I do, but remember her? There's really nothing I can say that I haven't said before. I just miss her and can't wait to see her again. I was just looking at some cards she'd written to me for a couple birthdays, when I found the little note Dad had written to me sometime during the week after she had passed. I woke up one morning and there was a shamrock-shaped vase full of flowers sitting on the kitchen table. Gosh, that was the only time anybody's ever given flowers to me! Since Mom has just died, I was still in a period where I bottled all my emotions up and tried not to talk about it or think about it. Of course we talked about her, just not that she was gone. Anyway, being in that stage, I had no idea what to do with myself or how to thank Dad for these flowers. The little note that was stuck amongst the flowers was very short and didn't say much, yet it said so much, and it just broke my heart when I read it.  I still have the shamrock vase, also. I think it was something that had been left over from St. Patrick's Day the month before, and Dad knows how much I love shamrocks, Ireland, and anything Celtic. It's now sitting on top of one of my stereo speakers with a bouquet of silk Baby's Breath in it.  Reguarding Mom... I want to live out my life and get married and have a family, but I also can't wait to go Home and see her again. |
| 5 Comments |
| A greater danger... |
| 04.25.06 (2:06 am) [edit] |
A few weeks ago, I recieved this comic strip in the mail out of the blue from A.E., along with a little note that said, "Mal, the cartoon reminded me of you so I had to send it! :o) Love, ~ae". I was laughing SO hard. Not only was it completely random, the cartoon is so funny. You TOTALLY don't expect the reason the Chasmosaurs are so "jittery". Look closely at the side of the F-14 and you'll see two Chasmosaur silhouettes, which means he "shot down" two of them (instead of enemy tank/airplane silhouettes or insignia). Heh. Thanks A.E., it cheered me up when I couldn't get online! [Click to see full version!] |
| 3 Comments |
| A few words of advice |
| 04.24.06 (9:59 pm) [edit] |
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| 2 Comments |
| The jack was corroded. That's it. $#^%!! |
| 04.21.06 (5:37 am) [edit] |
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Okay, I think I've FINALLY got the DSL problem fixed. Will there ever be an end to our computer problems? Seems it's all I'm talking about lately. Anyway. I had been disconnected since Monday or Tuesday and we finally got a BellSouth technician out here yesterday (Thursday). He ran a load of tests at the phone box, then ran some tests inside and finally got to the base of the problem: a faulty phone jack. It was so old and corroded, no wonder we've been having such problems! ALL of this time... it was the goshdanged JACK. Why didn't we ever think of that?! He assured us that the modem was fine, the outside line was fine, and that the 50-foot line from the wall jack to the modem wasn't the problem. He installed a nice new wall jack and changed some filters outside, and now it's working perfectly (but I'm crossing my fingers!). At least I've gotten to be welcomed back at least 20 times in the past three months. Feeling welcomed is always fun. I don't think it's hindering the connection or phones at all, but some of the lines running from our house to the telephone pole are a bit torn away and exposed. They've been that way since Hurricane Wilma, and while they're still connected, they shouldn't be like that and have to be fixed as soon as possible. But we have to call BellSouth again for that (and wait for hours on those stupid, automated menus) - the guy who came here yesterday worked in a seperate department and has nothing to do with phone lines. Hopefully after that's done, it'll be the end of fixing and repairing and technical problems for a long time... and no more lizards in the house!! Not that one has to do with the other... Incidentally, my cheap HP speakers were shipped here lightning fast and work great; I was getting tired of those little headphones. They smell a bit like smoke, but only if you get real close to them. Now that all of that's covered, I'd like to take a moment to tell you about our new toilet seat. Actually, it's not exactly new, we've had it for two or three months, but I still haven't told everybody about it. It's just so cool, so I HAVE tell all about it at some time or another. So here goes: a few months ago, our old toilet seat cracked. Ya ever have that happen? You've gotta wrap tape around the crack until you get a new one, because if you sit on the crack, it'll somehow get hold of the skin on your thigh or butt and pinch you to heck and gone. Seriously, it hurts. You're sitting there innocently taking a crap, then *PINCH*, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWW!!! !!", "What's wrong?!???", "THE TOILET PINCHED ME!" So there we were, with a pinching, cracked toilet seat and medical tape wrapped around the crack. That's classy, right there. A few days later, I wake up in the early afternoon, go to the bathroom, and see......... the most interesting toilet seat I've ever seen in my life. Paddy must've gone to Home Depot or Lowe's before I'd woken up and bought a new seat. It's made of translucent, bright blue resin, with all sizes of bubbles in it. "With Chrome Hinges!!!" It was such a change, after years upon years of plain white seats, I walk in to see... that. I started laughing, of course. It figures he'd go and get something crazy! It's a bit smaller and more round of a shape than we usually had, so it took me a while to get used to the feel of it... But, I like it now. Our friend Charlie was over last month and had to go to the bathroom - he walks in and shuts the door, opens the door and comes right back out, "...New toilet seat?", "Heh. Yeah.", "Heh." then he goes back in, shuts the door, and that was that. He was here again a couple weeks ago, and we suddenly hear this voice coming out from the bathroom, "Is this seat skid resistant??" Here's a picture of it, for your viewing pleasure! (I didn't take this photo - I found the same toilet seat on eBay and nabbed the picture from there... but it's the same exact thing).  Oh and here's something I'm really happy about - I finally found a font that A.E. and I have been searching for for months. Maybe even years? Reguardless, it's been a really, really long time. It's a commercial (AKA: not free) font called "Rosewood"; it has kind of an old-time Western or circus style. I see it all the time on advertisements, and even in resturaunt menus, but we could never find it (for free) online. Not even a ripoff of it (where somebody uploads the same font as freeware but under a different title). I was determined to find it tonight (make that "last night" since it's now 5am), and after a few hours, I actually found it under two aliases! "GoldRush" and "CoffeeTin", but I won't post the links to where I found them so as to protect the guilty.... in case the real font owners find my blog in a search and sue the people who run the sites they're on for copyright infringement or something. I can't help but think like that! Actually, I will post the link to "CoffeeTin", simply because if you compare it with the original "Rosewood", there are subtle differences in the design of the font so you can't say it's an illegal copy. It's the sixth one down on that page. Remember that neon guitar lamp I mentioned a few posts back that I was hoping to win? I won it (weeks ago, it's had a nice spot above the computer for a while now). It's so awesome, lights up the whole room at night, which is great when I'm up late on the computer and Paddy's asleep. I took a crappy picture of it - it's bright pink, blue, and magenta. See the little figurine standing just beneath the guitar's neck? That's Barbossa. To the right of him is my little pirate ship, and to the left of the guitar is a pirate skull with pinwheels sticking out of it (don't ask). There's some more pinwheels to the far right (one of which Tree sent me), on the FAR left, past the skull, are a bunch of bullets and cartridges. Oh and behind the guitar is my Ireland tea cloth. Annnnnd I just described only two square feet... I'm gone.  |
| 7 Comments |
| BACK, guess who's BACK. |
| 04.17.06 (2:47 am) [edit] |
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Whew, well I'm finally back!! My first blog since March 31st... wow, has it been that long? I didn't even think it'd been two weeks, but I guess it has. My computer died. I was installing BellSouth Fast Access DSL (which is AWESOME by the way), and while I had the setup disk in the computer, everything froze. Even the mouse pointer wasn't moving; it was like that for well over ten minutes and wasn't doing a thing. So I took the disk out, but the setup screen was still there and the pointer was still stationary. So dumbarse me turned the PC off manually. I turned it back on and Windows wouldn't start. I was SO pissed off and upset, but there was nothing I could do. I looked through the stuff that had come with the computer but I didn't find any boot disk, and I didn't want to risk losing everything anyway. So through the week we waited for the weekend to go through the computer sales in the paper. We found a Dell that looked like it would work, at a good price too, but when we called them, the guy said that the computer was built for email and internet and doing any sort of graphics work on it would spell disaster. Great. I'm not too savvy on system stuff. I know how to run the machine, and a few things to keep it in shape and void of viruses, and I know how to work Photoshop and do a few things with media files, but that's all, really. So the Dell was right out. My cousin came down to look at it but he couldn't help much, he just told me the same thing everybody else did - either get a boot disk or take it to a shop, or get a new computer and make the old drive a slave to the new one and pull everything out of it. We also spoke to a friend of his that's a computer technician and he told me the same thing. So we went to Best Buy to look for a new tower, but... nobody would help us. The retarded employees were all standing around, talking amongst themselves, and didn't give us a first glance. So we walked out and went to Circuit City. We spoke to a technician there and he recommended that we bring the PC to him and let him make disks of all my stuff, and he said the best thing to do would be to get a new PC. All they had were HP, Gateway, and Compaq. HP is better than the other brands, plus I'm already familiar with it. Another guy told me which one would be best for doing graphics. It has 250GB of space, 1GB memory, and a dual processor, as well as a CD/DVD reader/writer. The technician saved most of my files (except for one folder that had all my wallpapers and Band of Brothers stuff in it, although thank the good Lord, I have all the best wallpapers copied to other folders as well as stored on the internet. *whew* The ones I lost are really old ones, and I can get all the best ones online again, or from friends. I'm sad to have lost all my BOB stuff, but I can get a lot of it again.). I've already transferred all the files from the disks to the new computer, and I must say, things are beginning to look like home again! Whilst transferring, I almos busted a nut thinking half of my music was missing, but it turns out it was sitting safely on a disk that I'd already looked through - I had gotten done with one folder on the disk and forgot to hit "Back" to see the rest of the folders, and thought I was done with that disk (if that makes sense). Gosh it's been boring without my beloved computer. For me, it's like being without the TV and the phone - your connection to everything and everyone is completely cut off. It'd be better if I'd been on vacation, or actually had something to DO. I've been disconnected from the internet for long periods of time, but, not even being able to turn the computer on, and having the fear of possibly losing 5 years of work, is just downright depressing. But I'm happy now. I've installed BellSouth on the new PC (it didn't freeze this time) and it's just awesome! I wish we'd never messed around with Earthlink. BS (heh) is MUCH better and faster. Earthlink sucked. And that's all I have to say about that. The only problem I'm having with the new PC is that my speakers don't work. They worked fine on the old PC, so I know there's nothing wrong with them. They're the kind with an orange jack. The computer tells me all the settings are correct, the drivers are all correct and there aren't any conflicts, so I have no idea what the problem is. When Dad went back to Circuit City to get the disks, some guy working there talked him into getting an expensive pair of speakers with a giant box-shaped bass thing. I'm not sure what it's called. But he should've known better, he knows I HATE bass. Well I don't hate it, but I like very, very little of it. I plugged it all in and turned the bass on the lowest setting possible (you can't turn it all the way off, and you can't unplug the speakers from the bass box because the power supply for the speakers runs through it). I put on "Gimme Three Steps", and, even with the volume down really low, Dad could hear it all the way across the house. Now, I always have loud music on (but without the bass, he can't usually hear it), so that was just unacceptable. He paid over $50 for the speakers (I still don't know why he'd do that!) but now we have to take them back. I forgot to mention, these speakers plugged into the green jack and worked fine, so maybe something's just wrong with the orange jack. I went on eBay this morning and found a used (but in like-new condition) pair of little desktop speakers that run from the green jack, and got them for just $12.80! I sure hope they get here quick - I'll have to use the headphones until then. I'm so glad they saved all my stuff (except for that one folder). I've really missed my friends, all my pictures of Rickey, the wallpapers I've spent years of work on, all my website files, and last but not least... my MUSIC!! I have SO MUCH MUSIC on this thing... I'd hate to have to replace it all. You know how they always tell you "back up your files"? Yeah. I didn't want to either and I never did, but I paid for it, so DO IT, it'll save you so much trouble! I've learned my lesson there... While on the subject of music, Van Zant has released their third single from Get Right with the Man, "Things I Miss The Most". I got the album the moment it came out, and I always thought that would be one of the best tracks on there to release. It's just really, really... country. I don't think my radio station has it on their playlist yet, though. Dangit. Also, there's a new song by Eric Church called "How 'Bout You", I absolutely love it. There's a kickin' banjo playing through the whole song, and it starts out, "I know where I come from, how 'bout you? I don't need baggy clothes or rings in my nose, to be cool..." I love that. Because I hate, hate, HATE it how kids nowadays wear pants falling off their butts with the crotches down to their knees, and those wifebeater tanks, or those long shirts that reach down past their butt. It just grosses me out. I don't like piercings on a guy either (unless they're hoop earrings like Rickey and Johnny have; I actually don't mind those but I only like them if the guy has long hair). No wonder I don't like anybody my age (except those redneck boys in Tennessee, they dress very well). I like a man in well-fitting jeans and a t-shirt or button-up shirt, in a cowboy hat or camouflage hunting hat, with cowboy boots of course (that's a given). Anyway yeah, I just love that Eric Church song!! I'm also obsessed with Blake Shelton's "Ol' Red" at the moment (I love the mysterious tones in the song - you can't help but think of swamp-lands, moonshine, and crooked sherriffs when you hear it). I downloaded it and can't stop playing it. The song is about a hounddog named "Red" who guards a prison. Reminds me a bit of Rosco's hound, 'Flash'. Oh and Hank Jr. has released a new song called, "That's How They Do It In Dixie", it's awesome. Not only is it a great song, it also features Gretchen, Big & Rich, and... *boom....da-na-na-na....boom*... Van Zant! Johnny and Donnie only sing a few lines in it, but it's great to hear them and I can easily pick their voices out. Oh, here's something lovely that happened in my absence: a little lizard got in the house. No big deal right? just a cute little lizard (I do love those little guys). The problem is, he got into the kitchen cabinets. I had seen something move out of the corner of my eye the previous day whilst unloading the dishwasher, but when I looked up there was nothing there, so I thought I was just seeing things. The next night, I opened a cabinet to get a bowl and this lizard freaks out and runs from me. It scared me half to death (no, I'm not scared of lizards, I just wasn't expecting it), and I slammed the cabinet shut to compose myself, then got a plastic cup and slowly opened the door again. He was crawling all over the cereal bowls trying to get away, but he was trapped in one compartment of the cabinet, so I carefully removed the stacks of bowls one by one until the only thing left in there was the lizard, and it took me a while but I finally ushered him into the cup and threw him outside. Now I was faced with the lovely task of washing ALL THE DISHES, in ALL THE CABINETS. Who knows where he had been in there, and lizards harbor salmonella (among other nasty things), so I didn't want to take any risks. I started washing everything, some by hand, and fitting as much as I could into the dishwasher - took me two days to finish it all. And it's a good thing I did because my suspicitions were correct - I found a little lizard turd amongst the cups and glasses, which are in the opposite side of the cabinets from where I found him with the bowls. It's probably a good thing this happened though, because some of those dishes we haven't used in YEARS and have been sitting there all this time. A lot of them were either dusty or covered with that weird, sticky grimey film. They're all organized and pretty now, too!! Hey incidentally, Tblog has been having terrible problems with spammers posting numerous comments as of late (it's happened to me, but the same person complimented my blog in 20 different comments, so I guess it wasn't all bad. I could do without the automobile and cell phone advertisements though). I think they may have changed the settings to where only members can post, so Michael and Abby and anyone else, if you're not able to comment, please go to tBLOG and sign up for free (it's easy), so you can sign in and comment. But I could be wrong, so if you're still able to post, just ignore all of this! I'd better wrap this up, but I wanna post this last bit real quick. I was dumbfounded by the sheer amount of email I came online to on Saturday; here's a screenshot of it. For anybody who may think I'm lying when I say I get a ton of email, just lookit this!! Thankfully, almost half of it was spam, advertisements, forwards, and notifications that I could just check off and delete without even reading them. But still - even half of this is a lot!  Oh and, just a random thought, John Schneider (Bo duke) has aged very, very, VERY well. I mean... yeah. I love him as Bo, but back then he was just too... young, like a little boy, I suppose. Now, he's just so... yeah. I'm gone. |
| 8 Comments |
